Sometimes I come to think it’s something that I can’t really manage to handle. I would just give up and die slowly. That’s how it goes with my working life recently.
I’m assigned to something I don’t understand. I knew virtually nothing but I had to convince the client that everything was going to be okay and made sure I didn’t look stupid. I had to be professional, be tough when getting so tight, when told suddenly “I need an answer today” when the client said the vice versa the day before I could be laid back and took things slowly. After all, no one is going to help. I’m all alone, with no colleague to help, with not much knowledge I brought with me, not even access to the internet to help me researching!
I sit alone in the corner of a big room with full of people I don’t or barely know day to day, talking the whole day with the single computer, chasing up the clients who seem not so responsive which definitely will kill my deadline. I need to manage my own schedule. No one is going to ask or worry which may be good in a sense since I can fit everything in according to me. But on the other hand, I would suddenly arrive to have missed the deadline! Not good. I have no experience for this. This feels like I’m managing my own project which I’m also executing, deciding everything all alone, leakage is here and there.
Recently, honestly I really feel actually I’ve been under quite a lot of stress though I’m denying it. I really feel so weary, deeply exhausted even sometimes when I’m not physically should be that tired. Well, I am mentally yes. The bad news, the other things don’t seem to fit in. None listens, none bothers, but sometimes pushed me a bit more than I can handle. I really don’t want to complain every single day, some people even won’t like and they will return to saying I’m such a complaining person so maybe better I keep my mouth shut. Well, I do realize I have weaker fuse these days that I can get all messy just by a bit of pressure. Sorry for that.
Maybe all in all, I just need a better work life balance or a bit of break, or even an escape. I may need to think a bit of my own happiness, being a bit more individualistic. But the thing is, I have to be professional, I’ve given the opportunity, I should push a bit more now and a bit more then. Get things right and done, then have fun.
Oh yes, quoted from my facebook status as I just watched it tonight: “really thinks that the T2 Movie is too monotonous, too much overhyped, too expensive.. it doesn’t even quality as an 8, unlike its predecessor.. seriously they could have used that $ 200 mil budget plus the promotional cost to make some other epic war movie.. stalningrad, normandy, battle of britain or even some war of ancient times… or even they may wipe a bit of poverty..” Good night or maybe a bit later. I should wait for my laundry.
The Avenue