Today, I was on an errand. It was actually a good feeling, when everyone was totally hooked up with their work on the seats of their offices, I was instead crawling on the street, moving from here and there looking through my shopping list. Something I’ve never done for quite a while. I was looking up to the expressway from over a pedestrian bridge, when the crowd of the cars dashing over going to each destination. What a busy life. Two hours later, in the overly neat city, for the first time I actually saw a car crashed upon another car. Not anything big, just the car bumped a bit over the car in the front leaving some curving on both cars. But it was a great thing, with only a little conversation, they moved the car to the side of the road out of their conscience in order not to block the other cars. What a different level of people-awareness compared to my compatriots. Again, I felt how life was really interesting. With so many things happening and so many difficulties, I still thought it’s great to be alive. Without the life there’s no such experience. What about death that is not scary then?

I remember someone told me that she was about to commit suicide out of desperation. Another one put up a picture of slitting his own wrist. I would just about to shout, “Get a grip! You’re not the most miserable person in this life!” I really don’t think their situations no matter how I try to picture them deserve anyway in taking their own life. There are just so many people who are having worse life but still struggling to survive. Those people in Ethiopia – endless civic wars, hungers, pirates -, those people in Afghan or Iraq, or even those who live in the worst prison in the world, which part of you could be worse than them? You are not in poverty, you still have your free-will, you are not being tortured, perhaps then you can start by not acting like you’re in such. I know so many people who are in hardship but can still always think positive. So if you read this, start cherishing your life by at least giving yourself a proper respect.

And nevertheless when things are not good as in the moment, and my sense of happiness and sadness don’t really work, I still can sense bit by bit the wind of bliss. So then as the year’s ending, I need to try to recompose my drives. The drives I’ve lost for a while to at least drag my feet further. If I can love rain so much, I should be able to dance with the smile within it right?