Forty-days shy from me turning a quarter-of-century, next year would be my final year that I can still buy train tickets under Youth-adult category in EU or receiving any other means of subsidy like bank account charges. It means I will be soon a full pledged adult being able to be independent without needing subsidy from anyone.
In a very honest point of view, year after year, I still don’t feel that I’ve grown unprecedentedly from the previous immature year (which came after other years of immaturity). I know it’s a gradual process and it’s not in the genes, instinctive, natural, instead human mental growth is a process that is artificially pursued and stimulated. Babies will eventually walk and run but they can stay a kid mentally even when they have a full adult body. As for me:
- I still like video games, a lot.
- I still find it hard to accept my responsibilities i.e. : studying, prioritizing them over my less important urge- comics, movies. I still go to the class late, sometimes sleeping and skipping through it.
- I often do things out of curiosity although it may get me into trouble; like not paying bus fares just for the sake of testing the system.
- I refuse to lose up a bit even in trivial discussions although winning won’t give me anything because simply I hate losing (Did I say this last year?)
- I simply think living totally in adult world is boring (working, being so serious, getting so stressful because you have to do things you don’t like).
- I am still kinda idealist of things that I want but I can’t make up my mind and lingering around in “wanting to do” instead of “doing”. I often get stuck in my own dream world and hard to concentrate because I still think “this is how I would like it to be”.
- I still wish and believe I will still encounter love like those in the stories, that relationship needs to be conservative. Very happy and touched to see beautiful impossible love stories or music lyrics.
and the list goes on.
I’m still green after all amidst of the world turning autumn-yellow around me. But.. somehow I’m comfortable of admitting and living in this green sanctuary of my own, living a big baby life. Do I have to stop?
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